Chase Vs. Court

When you chase after something, do you expect to catch it, whatever it may be? That’s the whole point of the chase right? So, what happens when the term is attributed to an individual’s relationship status? An interesting question that I look to dissect tonight.


A few days ago I was involved in a conversation about the differences between courting and chasing. My friend was talking about men who act as if they are too good to chase after a woman when they look to obtain her acknowledgement. It would seem as if she was placing courting and chasing into the same category. We went back and forth about it for a few moments about the usage of the words and that was that.

In my opinion, courting and chasing are two vastly different things. Courting is for the more mature crowd. The individuals who know that the idea of a relationship is a process that is comprised of a certain number of steps. During the courting phase, I believe that this is when the male puts his best foot forward to show his blatant interest in the woman of his choosing. At the same time, she returns the sentiment without being too easy or too hard all at the same time. Let him know that his hard work will pay off one day; in whatever fashion that may be.

Chasing, on the other hand, is a game for people who enjoy playing games and simply that. We all know exactly the type of individuals I’m speaking of. The people who give out their phone number, then don’t respond to calls or texts; those who give every reason in the book as to why they are too busy to hang out; the people who seem to get off on getting someone interested in them and not lifting a finger to reciprocate that sentiment…if it’s even there. Basically, the habitual time waster.

As a man, I have no problem doing what I need to do to court a woman. Original dates, thinking of you texts, reaching out in creative ways…all those are just some examples of what a man should be willing to do when looking to get involved with a new woman. At the same time, I need to know that what I’m doing will have an end result. Don’t lead me around to thinking I have a chance when simply I don’t. We’re grown ass adults….act as such and let me know before time and money are wasted.

Don’t chase my friends…you will be left out of breath and spewing venom. Instead, court those that want to be courted and have fun doing it. Dating is supposed to be fun right? Take the stupid work out of it and nip the foolishness in the bud….

Until next time….

C.E.

My Thoughts -- Complex 40 -- August/September

Life has been more hectic than I'm willing to admit these past few months. Looking up I realized that it has been almost a month since I put my thoughts behind the keyboard through the Plot Continues. Well...this morning that is going to change and what better way than to look at my favorite section from my favorite magazine: The COMPLEX 40!

I'll admit this issue's list wasn't as funny as some of the more recent versions, but I was still able to uncover some gyms that are well worth mentioning.

F**K Outta Here
4. Club Bathroom Attendants Who Try To Beat You To The Faucet  -- Really guy? Is it that serious? I know you are trying to work for that tip and I'll be honest with you, I'm going to give you one no matter what you do. But calm it down a few pegs. You don't have to jump and almost shoulder block me to make sure you turn on the water first. It's cool. I'm a grown man...shouldn't be that hard right? PS... hats off to the guy who is able to stand there and listen to people pee for four hours a night....

7. Ex-Girlfriends -- They always know how to show up at an opportune moment right? Just as things couldn't get any better or worst you get that "Hey I was thinking about you" text or you see that stupid "I know how to be treated as a woman" status on Facebook. It's always worth a good laugh to me. It's funny how people view themselves and their part in a failed relationship.

12. Subliminal -- Say it! It's that simple. Don't beat around the bush or burn brain power to come up with an extensive example when you know you're talking about one particular person. Point the finger and say it. Whether you are right or wrong is a whole different matter, but at least have the ability to say exactly what you mean when it counts rather than throwing up a cloud of grey smoke.

16. Buying Textbooks -- Yea...this one is self explanatory.

Props Over Here
4. Road Trips -- Even though summer has ended that doesn't mean the open road will. Hitting the streets is great but even better when you pack a car full of your friends and drive for hours on end. With a few planned for the fall and winter I can't wait to get behind the wheel. Until a cop pulls me over....again.

10. English Premier League -- I know many people don't follow soccer. However, you should watch the EPL just for the celebrations and potential of soccer riots. While you may not understand the game, at least you will know when someone gets curb stomped by the riot police.

12. Funnel Cakes -- YES! Elephant Ears or whatever you call them, nothing beats the fried dough with powdered sugar experience. Fall means carnival and state fair season so you know what booth I'm heading to first.

Cry one last tear for the end of the summer. It's going to be months before I see you again.....

C.E.

Words of Wisdom

The best words of wisdom often come when we have no idea that we’re even listening. Recently, I’ve been through some situations that have forced me to dig deep and better understand exactly what type of man that I am and who it is that I want to be. At 27 years of age it’s amazing how much time I’ve let pass by without even noticing it. However, it’s time to put a stop to all that and make the most of every moment I’m blessed with the ability to breath.

This post is dedicated to the phrases that I’ve read or been told over the last few months that have been meant to motivate me to be better. Isn’t that what we are all trying to do? To go to bed a better man than you were when you woke up….at least that’s what I think we should all be doing. Well…I hope you enjoy them and take just as much from them as I did:

“They say that in your 20s you’re trying to work out the man that you want to be, and in your 30s you discover who he is.”

An interesting thought to me because I won’t lie; I’ve been thoroughly disappointed with my 20s. Other than specks in this last year, I really don’t have anything to show for it. 2011 has taught me a lot about what it exactly I want to call a “career” and how I’m going to get there. I feel like I’ve been fortunate enough to get an early start on discovering the MAN that I WILL become. Now I just have to put in the work to get there.

“You just have to get through anything that’s irrelevant or a personal attack, and you might find the gold nugget that can take you to the next level and closer to what you want to achieve in life.”

From this I take it that we should listen to criticism but not take it in as all fact. I’ve experienced this first hand as people will talk bad about you to try to manipulate you into doing what is best for their interests or just because they were never able to reach their own goals. Instead of dwelling upon their ill words, let it motivate you to be better. Use that criticism to grow from it and turn a corner that you didn’t even know was coming. In the end at least you will get to say “I told you so.”

“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.”

Peace. I believe that is what this quote is about. People can talk and threaten all they want, but in reality, how much control do they honestly have over your life or current situation? Instead of getting upset, I find myself laughing off the situation and knowing that in reality, this individual has no power to threaten what is real in my life. Why? Because those real “things” have been placed in my life for a reason and no one person can remove them. They don’t have that power.

Words don’t mean too much when action isn’t put behind them. You can’t just sit around and blurt out quotes all day. Take action. But before you take action, hopefully you will become wiser from phrases such as these and others like them.

Until next time….


C.E.

Not In My League

It’s amazing how conversation often helps open up the mind. This past weekend a friend and I spent some time out spot hopping throughout Philly. Over the night we had a very interesting conversation about the current state of dating and the confusion surrounding it. A few days later I began to revisit the conversation and came up with an ideal that I’ve decided to throw to the masses….or maybe just the few people that read this blog. Either way, here we go:

Have you ever had the feeling that a person was out of your league?

In essence this individual basically doesn’t have to a shot to get with you in any shape or form. The reasoning could be based on their clothing, car or any other factor that is attributed to a first impression. I ask because that idea holds a strong place in my most recent revelation.

Agree or not, I’ve always felt that African American women were the toughest to approach in a social setting. I’ve never been one to shy away from talking to someone new no matter where I am, but I’ll admit the added pressure when approaching a Black woman. Why? Because I feel like no matter what comes out of my mouth, she’s already determined if I am part of that “coveted” group that is considered in her league. Once you’ve been tagged as not “in my league” there’s nothing short of a miracle that you can do to switch her idea of you. Best bet is to keep it moving….

However, this weekend I wondered to myself if ALL women do this. After observing around the few places that I went to and asking a few friends it seems as if African American women are the only ones who thought along this vein. That doesn’t mean I’m saying women of other demographics are “easy” but I surely believe it is tougher for a man to catch the attention of a Black woman…that simple.

A sticking point to the discussion is that even though some women may believe said guys are not in there league; the question is are these women correct in assuming that they are even playing the same game?

Get it…ok I’ll explain.

What happens when you write someone off for not living up to your standards, when in fact you don’t like up to your standards? Not only do you miss out on a person or experience that may have brought you joy; your further separate yourself from reality. Instead of chasing after a set of expectations that come from watching too much of the Kardashians, you should take each person as a clean slate instead of judging to quickly on what you see.

The summer of 2011 has opened my eyes to a few different things and I believe this is just one of the latest. Before you write me off as complaining once again, seriously think about the premise and ask yourself if it’s a possibility that you write people off too quickly.

I’m willing to bet you’ve played the same game before….

Until next time…


C.E.

For Every Action

My brother K. Jobe requested that someone write about a person dealing with the consequences of their own actions. It’s amazing how we are growing up and approaching 30 years of age, but so many of us do not know how to deal with the simple ideal of accountability. The first thing that comes to mind is a quote from a movie I’ve recently seen:

Danny: God Damnit Ronnie!
Ronnie: What? Because I’m black you think I did it?
Danny: No, because you did it is why I think you did it.

But I digress…

As each moment passes by we make decisions that will have some form of consequence. Whether the return product is large or small, something will happen. How we deal with that “thing” is just as important as the decision itself. It amazes me how some individuals travel through life without worrying or even caring about the consequences of their actions.

Don’t take the two seconds needed to put on a condom?

Nine months later you have a mouth to feed with a woman that you don’t really like.

Or even worse you wonder why your groin keeps itching and why you have to take a piss….

Consequences: simple cause and effect.

As a society we don’t enjoy cleaning up the messes we’ve made. Just watch the way politicians act in Washington. It’s contagious. I’ve avoided dealing with the results of my actions before and I’ll probably do it again.

Look at your current situation. I’m willing to bet you can look back and point out exactly what decision caused you to end up here. Instead of wasting time sulking over that moment, use it as a point to change. Remember it. Because next time it comes up you will know how to respond and how to avoid the same thing from occurring. If you don’t then seems like you have another issue and that’s learning from your mistakes which may even be a bigger problem overall.

Remember with every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. Take that thought with you throughout the day and you reach the multiple crossroads that appear. Hopefully you will decide to take the “right” path more often than not. Still, when you choose wrong for whatever reason that may be…prepare yourself to deal with the consequence of that action. You have to, because the more you avoid it…the worse the situation will become…

And the new Planet of the Apes movie has shown us what happens when we ignore the 800 pound gorilla in the room….

Until next time…


C.E.

The Comeback Kid

In sports, the “comeback” is a story that can often end in excitement or tradegy. We hear about athletes who have walked away from the game starving to be in the spotlight once again. Whether that wanting is due to financial purposes or the desire to see if they can still compete; we can easily think of people who fit this bill. But yet I want to ask how does this “comeback kid” mentality fit into the world of relationships.


We’ve all been a culprit of this happening. We see an ex and immediately realize how good he or she is looking. They’re happy with their new significant other or with being single and living life. Instead of moving on, we check our phone to see if we have their number still or turn to Facebook to see if we are still “connected.” Once again instead of leaving those thoughts where they once were, we decide to reach out in hopes…but hopes of what?

No idea.

No answer.

But who cares?

Our goal is simply to reignite what was once “there.” Ignoring the fact of how badly it ended and how much we wanted out…we still push forward and potentially make a fool of ourselves. Honestly, I can’t think of too many relationships that have flourished after trying to get back together. Can you?

Like I said, I’ve been one to do the same thing. I’ve tried to live by a “no backwards steps” rule when it comes to relationships but still do not have the best record. Another interesting situation I’ve noticed is that I can tell when some of my female friends are involved in a relationship and when they are not. How? Because I hear from them. When single I or some other guy is there best friend. Night outs, parties, dinners, whatever…just an overall good time with a good friend. But the moment they are with someone they’ll go missing. Completely missing. Shows just how important that friendship is to them overall. A ridiculous but funny occurance.

So that’s it. Just because you see or happen to talk to an old flame that doesn’t mean you should let it burn down the new house that you’ve built. Always remember the reason why the relationship fell apart in the first place. There’s a good chance that it will rear its ugly head once again. And to make things worse, not only will someone say “I told you so,” but you will probably miss out on an opportunity that’s looking you right in the face.

Until next time...

C.E.

Sexy Sports

Tonight I was reading an article in Men’s Health magazine when an insert caught my eye. A survey by Quirkology.com brought to my attention the top sporting activities that make men look attractive to women. The list was so startling to me that when I put it out on my Facebook page I wasn’t surprised to see that some of my friends responding in “internet outrage.”
Anyway, while not the true intentions of this post, here is said list:

1. Climbing
2. Extreme Sports
3. Soccer
4. Hiking
5. Going to the gym
6. Skiing
7. (Three Tied) Running, Rugby and Martial arts
10. Rowing
11. Cycling
12. Yoga/Pilates
13. Bodybuilding
14. Aerobics

Now as a practicing martial artist I’m shocked that my sport is so far down the list. Especially when skiing and hiking are so high. You mean to tell me it’s not attractive to bend another person to you will as it is to walk?!?! We do that ish by accident! Yet I digress….

Upon my own validation I decided to think of the top sports that I love watching women participate. I didn’t use any scientific research or equation…nope my process was much simpler than that. And before you ask…I did not consider cheerleading a sport for this project.

5. Martial Arts: (Read: Cardio Kickboxing does NOT count) There’s something about a woman who has worked hard to learn how defend herself. While she may look sweet and unassuming, it’s always the little ones that will toss you on your head and punch you square in the nose. Believe me…I’ve had BOTH happen personally.

4. Surfing: While I personally do not know any women that surf, the sport involves the use of a bikini so it’s automatically in. I also have an admiration for a woman who’s mastered a sport that I would be to chicken to try. Yeah I said it…I’m afraid of large bodies of water…sue me.

3. Track and Field: Exhibits A and B: Lolo Jones and Leryn Franco (if you don’t know who she is fire up Google my friend.) Whenever the Summer Olympics come around I watch 3 events: Basketball, Wrestling and Women’s Track and Field. The best part is that if I tried to run from one of them, they could easily catch me.

2. Soccer: Hope Solo, Hope Solo and once again Hope Solo. Seriously though I feel like the women’s national team plays harder than the men’s national team at times. Or at least they don’t choke as much because they both have talent all over the pitch. Did I fail to mention Hope Solo?

1. Volleyball: Be it indoor or beach this sport is IT for me. I remember purposely going to the cafeteria while in college when the women’s volleyball team would be ending their practice. Yep…I was THAT guy. Either way I wouldn’t be able to tell you what the score is, but there was a reason why I’d volunteer to watch the women’s volleyball events when I worked at ESPN.

As I always say…if my comments have offended you, that’s fine, just click the little red “X” in the top right hand corner. Either way….

Until next time…

C.E.